I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages

How it all started

A few months after the death of my husband, I was getting my hair cut by my longtime friend and stylist, and we were chatting it up about how hard grief is and how badly our society is equipped to deal with grief and the bereaved.  I told Mandy how I was waiting for God to show me what my calling was since I had spent the last 20 years with the love of my life, the last 9 months of his life caring for him as we battled his cancer, and the subsequent months after his death just trying to remember how to breathe in and out each day.  Mandy, ever so nonchalantly, commented, “I know what your calling is.  You are supposed to write about your journey through grief so that people can see what it’s really like and they can know they aren’t going crazy.”  I don’t know that this will reach the masses, and that’s ok…but if I can tell my story and maybe help someone in the tiniest way to know that they are not alone, what they are feeling and experiencing is normal, and that God is there for them and wants to comfort them and give them a peace that surpasses all understanding, then I will feel that my journey on this dark road will have a purpose.  I am not anyone special…I don’t hold any fancy degrees or certifications in dealing with grief.  But I do hold what I consider to be significant on the matter–-experience.  I am in the throes of grieving my partner in life, and I am no expert, but I am trying to figure this whole new normal out. If by being as transparent as possible in telling my story will help normalize the grieving process in today’s world of “he would want you to move on”, “make sure you don’t sit at home feeling sorry for yourself”, “life goes on”, and a plethora of other well-meaning aversions, maybe we can learn to embrace grief as a beautiful reminder of the love that was shared and the memories made. And we can hold on to the fact that we are One Day Closer. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Philippians 4:7 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.